Praying for you. I have struggled with the same thoughts. You will never be a failure because you are a child of God so put that fear behind you. Do one thing today that brings you peace and joy and then make one small decision. It will work out b/c God has your back your are not in this alone. I would also seek a 12 step recovery fellowship where you can be surrounded by others who can share their experience strength and hope. Peace and blessings to you. I will pray for you today when I do the Rosary prayer with the Pope today. In loving peace 🙏🏻🙏🏻
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Hope you are doing better! God Bless