I was in your position & felt as you do. God may be telling you his answer by his silence.You are lovable, but self esteem & the dark one needs to be silenced! It will take courage, but it can only be better right? Trust that voice & go for it. Life is short & you know HE doesn't want your life to be this way!! You are strong just by dealing with the unhealthy situation - leave - get out! Best thing I ever did! Be blessed, you are a child of God - HE'S got your back!!
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Yes, many call their passing as "crossing the rainbow bridge" all animals living as one in peace!!!