Dear God, I am praying for your help. I can't post it on my wall on fb because then I get lectured from my brothers or my husbands friends will see what I really want to say and tell him then I would just get yelled at and be accused of who knows what. I have no friends in person that I can talk to or vent to because according to my husband it is no ones buisness even though he wont talk to me. So with all that I am very alone. All I ask is for who ever reads this to just please pray for me. I will not see any (good or bad ) comments from anyone so all I have to go on is faith that someone somewhere will pray.
I don't feel like I am a selfish person, everything I do has always been to help others in anyway that I could. I think I am starting to feel resentment. I don't want to feel this way at all. Please help me get past this. I feel that I keep doing for everyone and oh boy for better lack of the word not getting anything back. Please don't get me wrong I would do everything I did all over again in a heart beat and I really don't feel that I deserve anything in return. I guess I just feel as though I would like a break. I try so hard to be a good person and do the right thing. Yes I have made so many mistakes in my life but I do try and not make them again. Is it unfair of me to want to be a stay at home mom? That is all I have ever wanted. I am for now but my husband yells at me all the time about how he needs me to get a job. I get the whole money thing, but I do bring in money he seems to forget that. With that why do I desever what I have gotten in return? My husband having an emotional affair with another woman for months now. I am trying to deal with this but I can't trust him. I hate that. At this point right now all I want is to win a lottery (yes I know I am not suppose to ask for that but here I am and I am asking, please help me win) so I can get a place for me and my two children who are my whole world. I have my handicapped brother who lives with me as well. That is not working out so well, you know that. So if I were to have to money I would be able to set him up in is own house and get him the care that he so desperately needs.
Oh I know I am rambling and I am sorry I did it on here but as I said before I have no one. Please God help me wilth all of my heartache and help me to were I can move on from here. I don't think this is really how you intended for my life to be. At least I would hope not. In God's name I pray.