Going in for spinal surgery on Monday morning for three bad discs in my neck that have adversely been affecting my life for years now, preventing me from working a full time job, lifting, bending, driving. I can't turn my neck to the left at all. I finally found a doctor who could see the problems I was having and has scheduled me for surgery on the 19th. I'm really scared, but at the same time I am relieved I might actually have a chance to resume a normal life and go back to Grad school without constant chronic pain. Despite all my issues, I am still primary caretaker for my 68 year old mother, who has been hospitalized on and off for the past 5 years with numerous health problems, and 86 year old grandmother and now that I will be down for at least 6 weeks, I'm worried things in my household will go awry and there will be fighting because I won't be able to help out with the things I usually do. I always give of myself. Now I need some of it back. The dynamics in my household have always been off kilter, especially when there's an illness. Pray for peace and stability. Pray the surgery goes well. Pray that my friends and family who have abandoned me over the past year for being too whiny and needy will come back to my side again and support me when I need it most. I have been angry at God for all the bad stuff that has happened in my life and I just want a little happiness and relief for once.