I'm tired. I'm desperate. I'm falling apart. I've struggled with depression for 20 years, I've had an eating disorder for just as long. 3 years ago, my eating disorder turned into an addiction. It's awful and embarrassing. I was conditioned to believe I was unworthy for anything good. I still struggle to accept and believe God's unconditional love applies to me. This burden I carry inside, its getting to me. I used to be healthy but now I'm always sick and I feel tired constantly. My hair is starting to break despite how many vitamins I take. I don't want to stop and gain weight. I feel stupid for still letting that bother me. I feel like its all I have left and why would God allow me to be robbed of what little I have left? Why does He want me to be fat and ugly and sad? I already feel like a failure too much to ask for any help and I know it will only lead to me being judged. I have prayed for God to take this depression away 20 years now but my prayer is never answered. It used to make me angry but now I'm hopeless. Only God can help me. I don't even know what I'm asking for in prayer. It would be nice to know what its like to be truly happy and at peace. I was such a happy child. I don't know what happened to me.