Think about what kind of job you could get to and time frames that could help with also taking care of your children and go out and get it. Do it. If your adult ex husband (abandoned you and your children) left, so be it. Don't waste another minute on things you cannot control. You can control you and that will help your children and happiness. It's a choice. One life and you will do this and it WILL be okay. Find time to hug your kids every day, laugh and take care of each other with kindness. That's it. You can do it. Also, get help from social services, whatever they can offer. GO!