Mental illness is hard to go through because people can't see how it cribbles you they don't know how to help you. I tell everyone the only thing normal is a setting on a washing machine !! Just remember that if you commit suicide all the damage you do to those you leave behind ! My mother suffered severe depression & attempted suicide a few times & I still can't get it out of my head & I am 73 ! Suicide is the chicken's way out !!! Staying and trying to get help is the way to go! You are in my heart & prayers forever !