"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us." Gods word does not return void. "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you NOT to harm you. To give you a HOPE and a future." Press into God he won't leave you nor forsake you. Read your bible everyday. He IS fighting your battles and he will make a way. Ask God where you need to repent, he will tell you, and dont feel any condemnation. "There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus." Speak good things into your life everyday, life and death are in the power of the tongue. Resist the devil and he WILL FLEE from you. That means run in terror. You are more than an overcomer in Christ Jesus. I command peace over your life in the mighty name of Jesus. No weapon formed against you may prosper in the name of Jesus. Dream again like you did when you were young. God cares about the desires of your heart.

It will come to pass for you.

Go easy on yourself. God sees you and he loves and cares for you. Casting your cares on him doesnt mean you forget them, but its like giving over an important task to a trusted employee. You know the work will get done because they are faithful. Now Gods obviously not an employee but his promises say to cast your cares on him for his yoke is easy and his burden is light. He fights on your behalf. Repent what you need to, thoughts and all, and get back at it. You are made righteous. He cares about the desires of your heart.

Its a spiritual issue. Jesus spoke to demons and told them to leave. Then he said the same power I have I leave with you, all these things you will do and more. Speak to the demons, call them out by name and tell them to leave in Jesus name. "Spirit of Addiction I take hold of my spiritual authority, I command you, leave now in the name of Jesus." He should feel some sort of release if not get angry at it and keep speaking to it, it has to bow. Once he is free the bible says above all else guard your heart. Once you are freed watch that you don't open any doors back up. Watch what youre watching what youre listening too and especially what you are saying. Speak a declaration daily "I am free from ____ it once bound me but no more." It all sounds silly but its very real. Keep at it, resist the devil and he WILL flee.

God's plan isn't to see anyone suffer. He literally died and suffered so none of us had to. 20 years of depression is hell but you don't have to live like that. You have a unique calling on your life that is meant to help people who have struggled the same as you get through it. You are not your past, your mistakes, what someone has done to you, or even what you tell yourself you are. You are a miraculous being set apart for this time, this moment and the devil wants nothing more than to see you give up. But you won't, you can't, there are others behind you suffering the same way you have. You owe it to yourself and to them to press on a.nd keep fighting. Happiness is there you just have to trust God and grab it.