I am in a very dark place right now. My step dad is dying from stage 4 lung cancer. He is down almost 60lbs from this time last year. He has no appetite and is very tired and weak constantly. Hospice is coming out tomorrow to talk to us. My mother has COPD and is not much better. I am taking care of them. And that's great. But at same time I am miserable and battling my own health. I don't talk much to anyone about the severity of myself. Lately, watching what my step dad is going through is hitting me really hard. I lost my father to cancer 17 years ago. My daughters mom to cancer a year ago. And I am worried I got colon cancer myself. For the last couple years I have been drinking a lot! Daily. Multiples times in a day sometimes. Depends on how I am feeling or struggling. I cry all the time. Please pray for my family and myself. Please pray I can continue to have the strength to continue the care I am giving to my parents. And for a light at the end of my tunnel.

Please pray for me. I am so lost and scared right now. I don't feel I belong anywhere. I am sad and lonely, abusing alcohol and drugs to numb myself. I wanna be sober but don't wanna be alone and lonely. I have been thinking a lot of death lately. Like this is my last few moments. I am not scared to die but am not really asking for it. I have been so unhappy for sooooooo long.