Please put your trust in the Lord right now. He led you to leave a man who was putting your health and life at risk by cheating. The first 2 months will be hard, but once you get past that you will regain your self-respect and see things clearly. You haven't just lost a man--you lost a way of life you've become accustomed to. It's normal that it's going to hurt. I was in your shoes years ago. I went on to meet a good man I was married to for 28 years before he passed away. I would never have found that happiness if I didn't leave "Mr. Wrong" (who was also a cheater). The 2 months that I cried every day were definitely worth it. Keep as busy as you can for the next 2 months. I hope you'll let us know how you're doing at that time. I'll be thinking of you.