My heart and my prayers are with you. Do you have anyone you can talk to who can help you get through this and move beyond it? A good counselor can help. If you don't have insurance, many counties have a Mental Health agency. They offer services on an income-based fee. Please don't keep this bottled up. A counselor can help you get to the bottom of what's causing your fears and devise a plan to overcome them. And I will pray for you.